thanks for the words guys
and no they werent stupid, (though I live in a town, not a village Though it's an easy mistake since my town is pretty small )

Anyway, sorry but I feel like I need to rant even more I'm afraid
My stress levels pretty high right now just after an hour or so of history this afternoon in school!
Also I feel rather upset and angry too as some people are ignoring me right now but thats another story...

I got my history timed essay mock back this week, it wasn't graded specificly but after doing about 5 pages, putting SO much effort into my work, and having it all go well...turns out I was a D/C grade...when I was aiming for a B
I know its not the end of the world but it shows just how much work I am going to have to put into this stupid essay just to get the grade I should be getting....which I thought I'd have got from the essay in the first place! 

My teachers are telling me how I should be improving it but what one says, the other says something different...
eg: one said I should make my introduction a lot shorter,...the other told me to add more into it! O_o...
plus the main thing they're telling me to do was something I focused on throughout my whole essay the first time round I wrote it! So that has really been bugging me >_<!

Sorry for the bad vibes recently everyone dw bout replying to my whining, I just need to let it out...

Gahhh, sorry for the double post, but there's just something I need to get off my chest here...

I live in the past too much. Simply that, I cannot put what's in the past behind me, done and done. Every time I think I'm over and done with something, moved on, late at night and several months down the line it comes back to haunt me. I fight and fight and fight and wish with every ounce of my being that I could just learn to live without regret, but I'm never allowed to. Every night I sit here and listen to songs or read old things or look at photographs that just bring back painful memories...

There's always something troubling my mind it seems, and if it's not a problem that's currently at hand, it's something that's already almost a year old... I just can't get on with my life. It's frustrating and tiring at the same time... I wish there was something I could take, some kind of pill or something, that would just make me forget this...

*hugs back*
Thanks for the wise words guys though you didn't have to...
I am feeling a tad better today but not sure how long this will last...right now I'm just trying to deal with things best as I can.
I have just 18 days till I go to Greece and know that I have a lot to sort out before that week (clarinet exam, foundation course interview, catching up on classics and history work, organising holiday meet ups, squeeze in extra study periods with my teachers, etc). So yeah, there's a lot...infact... I even DREAMT about it all last night, and just from that I know it's going to be such a stressful time, but shall be worth it in the end...
Luckily, even when I'm really depressed, I still know that my friends (particularly my close school friends), will always be around to help me or talk to me if need to be when I'm struggling and that I can depend on them



George Harrison - I'm afraid I'm as stuck on advising you on this as SR is ...I know LOADS of people who suffer that same problem...not just heartache but having to put behind awful memories that come back up to haunt them, even if they're really old memories...I get the same thing sometimes though my memories can't exactly be matched to those I know who suffer badly from it and I can easily just put them out of my mind...
I wish I could do more to help you and others though, I'd offer to hug, listen an chat to anyone who needs to let it out...
I'm no psychiatrist and I probably won't completely understand what its like, but I'd always do the best I can to help..

Black_raven
Bleh... Sounds like a big effort to make. Good luck, Rachel, hang in there.
I've always been acting bad in such situations, when you need to solve plenty of problems fast - it's so exhausting usually. But when it's all over, it's usually so great and brings a lot of happiness. You can do it

GeorgeHarrison
Unfortunately, I'm in these, as Raven says, LOADS of people who suffer from the same problem. But I suppose I'm better nowadays, better than couple of years ago. That songs and photographs you've mentioned - here is the problem, I suppose With all that world wide web, globalization, it's becoming harder and harder to avoid all information related with painful moments in past. Sometimes you remember your past accidentally, unintentionally, and sometimes you just masochistically hurt yourself recalling all stuff that troubled you. In fact, for me it was like a narcotic, and even when I left my hometown, changed all things in my life, finished all old relationships, sometimes I still searched the web for some people who bothered me, painfully enjoyed all memories. That's really prevents from becoming a happy independent person :/ Finally, when it became awful and I was almost crazy I had a break from internet, deleted all music I used to listen before, thrown away all printed photos and every time I felt sad because of things that happened many years ago I did push-ups till exhaustion (which is not very much although ). That time it helped, but to solve this completely, I suppose, people have to clean they thoughts and keep them in order every day, every second, throw away any painful thought or recollection. Which is possible only if you are a buddhist or when you happily in love or doing some exciting project that gives you no time to worry.

I could cry the whole day... !

I saw a trailer of the The Legende Of Zelda movie today! I was so happy and excited!!!

...and than...


I found out it was a very expensive April Fools Joke... 

Aw, sorry to hear that El Barto... such bad days can happen, but after all, a bad fall is nothing to ruin your life A good night of sleep, some medication and all will pass.

You have winter there again? Does that mean you have winter all year long? o.O Everything covered in snow must be something beautiful. But the low temperature and strong winds... That's not very nice :/ I love winter (and summer too), if only we had snow in Portugal -.-' Meh, but what're we gonna do?

* El_Barto builds a "Summer Simulator" and gives it to Dagdamor so he can enjoy summer