Lisa, the Simpson!

Discussions => Lisa's Diary => Topic started by: Anna-Unforgiven on September 29, 2008, 07:31



Title: "Mi Mancherai" My Fanfic c:
Post by: Anna-Unforgiven on September 29, 2008, 07:31
OK, so the post is too long... XD

Please read and give me suggestions or constructive crit and such. x)

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3835657/1/Mi_Mancherai

Thank you! I really hope you enjoy it.


Title: Re: "Mi Mancherai" My Fanfic c:
Post by: CalculatedChaos on September 29, 2008, 08:03
I loved what you've done so far and I know you have more on the way so I'll post a real review once it's up.
Just a suggestion: you can upload a word document (or whatever wordprocessing program you use) as a .doc or .txt (among others) if you click on the additonal options button in full-post mode.


Title: Re: "Mi Mancherai" My Fanfic c:
Post by: Empethree on October 01, 2008, 03:08
Very nice start. You have done a good job of setting the scene and the characters. The plot starts off with familiar territory but the ideas so far are interesting.

Characters are captured very well and I can imagine what everything looks like.

Only one minor gripe, but it actually made me chuckle:

Quote
She had already caused, accidentally, a number of injuries for the others. Nothing minor, but enough to get them frustrated.

Seems like she has caused some bad injuries, no wonder they were fustrated lol :) I am sure it should of read "Nothing Major"

Seriously it is a really excellent start to a story and I am really looking forward to more.

-Carl