Lisa, the Simpson!

I have been working on something new to post up here and while I know it is far different than my normal stuff, i really want to get some form of feedback within a day or two. This is less than a page and will take less than 10 minutes to read. It is based on a dream i had, and while the story is only 1/8 completed, i want to hear something about it.

To Serge: If I can get even two responses to this, I will post the Simpsons story i have been working on in my spare time. A story that has no connection with anything I have been working on.

There's two...

This could be a good read, though I wonder how you're gonna cram this into a complete story in only 8 pages (or perhaps you didn't mean that this page is the 1/8:th that you've finished). You appear to have a story, and this little preview raises questions that suggests some backstory and a resolution not too simple.  Sorry, this is really irrelevant. o_O
It's fairly well written, can't figure out what's really going on apart from the fact that they're losing chunks of their minds. But hey, that's a good thing, wanting to know more. :P
The opening paragraph drags you into some ambiguous knowledge, the story sequence reveals bits of what's going on while not directly stating the situation to the reader. I guess something like this will be the pattern throughout the story, and I'll say stick with it, it makes for intrigue. ^-^

Gahh... sorry for my lame feedback :x

Cheers!

This short piece I like. The combination of something mysterious and sacral. What is the 'ancient labyrinyh'? There's only hope that other parts will be same intriguing. As for now, the idea reminds me the dark saga of the 'Hellraiser'. There was some ancient artifact too that opened the gateway to hell.